The Unwritten Laws Of Man….can You Add Any More?

Filed in Category Monthly Man Laws

For centuries the book of unwritten laws for men has been locked away. It has been recently discovered and is available for all men to add and edit. Here are the first 28 man laws ever written. Please feel free to add your own…
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning
her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s
fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the
temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that
point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy’s choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting
event, you may ask the score of the game in progress,
but you may never ask who’s playing.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink
only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and
it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s
free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril
are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.
15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you
didn’t see anything.
16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must
be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge
of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d
better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a
friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex
pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man
while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting
in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman
to go on longer than you are able to have sex with
her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly
“just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the
fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason
for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown,
pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you
want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know
what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating
or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

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3 Responses to “The Unwritten Laws Of Man….can You Add Any More?”

  1. 1
    Mrs Tiggywinkle said:
    Posted: July 30th, 2009

      34. All men must take control of the barbecue to ensure that:
      a) the steak is always very much less than rare and the sausages are all crispy and blackened
      b) salad is purely optional
      c) it gets lit properly with the maximum amount of flame and smoke at the outset
      d) copious quantity of drink is available at all times so that nobody can taste the food due to their alcohol intake.

  2. 2
    Luis S said:
    Posted: July 30th, 2009

      a really good mate will help you bury the body

  3. 3
    webmaste said:
    Posted: July 30th, 2009

      29. 2 men riding in the front of a vehicle shall never ride with the armrest up and empty seat inbetween them incase of accidental sliding during turns. Unless there is a woman placed there to take the place of the divider. 30.when trading clothing with another man only shirts hats gloves some jewelery is acceptable. Nothing below the waste is legal for trade (except socks applicable to those who are married since wife will lose them during drying process). 31. 2 men can not share the same beer unless its the end of the night,both men have had at least 12,and its the last one and needed to keep both men buzzing long enough to make another beer run. 32.if any man gets his a s s kicked for vagina that he has already had shall be cut for from all man activities for no less than 48 hours. 33.under no circumstances shall 2 men be seen changing the same tire,unless the tire is on a car of a woman 30 or younger. Then up to 5 men are allowed on each tire.

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