What Are The Top 3 “survival” Tips For Single Parenthood?

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Especially during the pre-adolescent years

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6 Responses to “What Are The Top 3 “survival” Tips For Single Parenthood?”

  1. 1
    diane33m said:
    Posted: November 18th, 2009

      1. patience- They are self changing at this age and trying to find themselves . They arent sure of really anything but that they want to fit in.
      2. Listening- Really listening to your childs needs and wants- They are wanting to be more heard. This doesnt mean that they get what they want but that you are taking their feelings to heart on some matters.
      3. mentor- kids this age need good role models- by setting limits and rules, setting morals and values and making them adhere to them. They do not need a friend but a parent that is willing to make them see things that arent “right” and help them see where they could of made a better choice. But also knows that we all make mistakes and give them a chance to fix the situtation.

  2. 2
    AnAvidVi said:
    Posted: November 18th, 2009

      1. Know and utilize your resources– get to know the other parents in the neighborhood, know the daycare centers, know the parenting support groups, know the parks, and depending on the financial situation, know the food banks, the other institutions that help financially strapped families, and most importantly USE those resources. Neighbors who have children can be great for the quick “I need to run to the store, can you watch the kids for a half hour?” or the two in the morning “I have to run my sick child to the hospital, could you please watch my other children?” These neighbors can also be good when you are running to the store and need another child to go along to keep your child/children company during the trip. You would be amazed at the “you scratch my back, I will scratch yours” that can happen– meaning you and your neighbors use each other to raise the children.
      2. Talk TO your children, not AT your children and explain WHY– take the time to get down to their eye level when you talk to them, or even when you are upset with them. Getting down to their eye level is the best way to teach your children that you respect them, and they will in turn respect you. Never tower over them when they do wrong and yell at them- instead, get down to their eye level and tell them in a soft yet firm voice what they did wrong and why they should not do that behavior. One of the biggest mistakes parents make is that they talk AT their children instead of TO their children. “Get down from there!” or “Stop that now!!” is what is usually said, instead of “We do not get up on that table because we could fall and get hurt, now do not climb up there again so you do not fall and get hurt” or “hitting is not allowed here, because it hurts other people. If you misbehave again, you will get a time out”. All being said at the child’s eye level, of course. It is important to tell children why a behavior is not acceptable, because this teaches them to think about the consequences (hurting others, etc.) before they misbehave.
      3. Treat your child as you wish to be treated– remember, just because they are younger, and do not have the education or height/weight that you do does not mean that they do not have feelings, curiosities, concerns, fears, emotions, etc. that all humans have. Remember to love and respect your child and you will do just fine as a parent. The moment you disrespect the child, that child will slowly begin to not respect you, or listen and talk to you when the important things come up in life.
      Single parenting is not easy- trust me, I know- I raised two children for two different friends of mine when they were not able to take on the role of parent at that time in their lives, and raised one for 6 years, the other for almost 8 years- and I did it all as a single person. The key is to have set rules, consistency, knowing and using the resources available, respecting the children, and picking and choosing your battles. Picking and choosing the battles is very important- is it more important to fight with them for an hour to eat dinner, or is it better to just know that they will not starve if they miss this one meal. Is the anger, anxiety, adrenaline rush, etc. really worth it at that moment? Know when to say “no big deal” and know when to stand your ground.
      BUT the most important thing is to parent with confidence, but know when to stop and ask questions.

  3. 3
    Tiffany said:
    Posted: November 18th, 2009

      Love your kids first and foremost. Take time for yourself, even if only when the kids are in bed at night just sit down with no noice and just say ok I survived another day and pat yourself on the back. Remember if you loose you temper with your kids give yourself a minute to cool down then apologize for loosing it and so they know parents get frustrated too but you can admit to it and take responsibilities for your actions and hopefully they will follow suit. Also always consider your kids feeling before major family decisions. Keep your head up. Don’t have hundreds of so so friendship but a handful of really close relaiable friends who you can count on and really talk to. Good Luck and God Bless

  4. 4
    ~Biz~ said:
    Posted: November 18th, 2009

      Perfection is out of the question. Put it out of your mind.
      Don’t be a martyr. Ask for and accept help when/where you need it.
      Your free time does not belong to you. Being the only parent for the children, your free time belongs to the kids, taking them to the park, playing Candyland, etc, not going out on dates and clubs. They need to be the priority if you’re going to be successful raising them.

  5. 5
    JakeS said:
    Posted: November 18th, 2009

      1. Be strong like steel
      2. Learn everything that you can about how to use money–make it a tool. Read books–listen to the authors advice–make a budget, have a long term plan to take care of yourself when your children are gone.
      3. Love your children, listen to them, don’t be their friend, be their parent. No means no. You cannot be manipulated.
      Being a single parent is the hardest thing that you’ll ever do. When you look back and you’ve given yourself and your children the gifts above, you’ll be proud. Good luck and remember this:
      Desiderata
      Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
      and remember what peace there may be in silence.
      As far as possible without surrender
      be on good terms with all persons.
      Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
      and listen to others,
      even the dull and the ignorant;
      they too have their story.
      Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
      they are vexations to the spirit.
      If you compare yourself with others,
      you may become vain and bitter;
      for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
      Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
      Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
      it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
      Exercise caution in your business affairs;
      for the world is full of trickery.
      But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
      many persons strive for high ideals;
      and everywhere life is full of heroism.
      Be yourself.
      Especially, do not feign affection.
      Neither be cynical about love;
      for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
      it is as perennial as the grass.
      Take kindly the counsel of the years,
      gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
      Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
      But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
      Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
      Beyond a wholesome discipline,
      be gentle with yourself.
      You are a child of the universe,
      no less than the trees and the stars;
      you have a right to be here.
      And whether or not it is clear to you,
      no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
      Therefore be at peace with God,
      whatever you conceive Him to be,
      and whatever your labors and aspirations,
      in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
      With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
      it is still a beautiful world.
      Be cheerful.
      Strive to be happy.
      Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

  6. 6
    CASP3? [Hip Hope] said:
    Posted: November 18th, 2009

      consistency
      love
      spankings

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